what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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