im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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