drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
