I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
