So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
