my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
