Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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