everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
