Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize