I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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