who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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