i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
