In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
