I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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