Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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