Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
