ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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