I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
God I need to hump something, right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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