just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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