you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Drake has all the answers
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
