So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize