Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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