Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
