great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
