Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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