Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The feeling are messing with the penis
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
