You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
