Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
