Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize