When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Terrible idea I love it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
