dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
