There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
