the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
