you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
