whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Rumble strips road head = magical
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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