can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
