how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We have started to decorate penises.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize