Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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