And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
