I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
