It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
