in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
