After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
