She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I love having hate sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
