Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
