New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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