i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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