What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
