I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize