she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
