I've blown a few things in my day
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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