How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I enjoy the company of your penis
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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