At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
