he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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