these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
