HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
