Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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