How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
