after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize