Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
