I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
