shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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