he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize