Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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