I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize