i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
