I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
