I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
