Just took my morning after pill in the library
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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