fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize