Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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