i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
