Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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