So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i already hear my dad disowning me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
