I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
