Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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