Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
