I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't deserve a penis
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
