She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
