I smell stomach acid.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
