I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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