Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize