I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
