i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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