I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
