I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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