You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
