I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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