It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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