Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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