Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
