when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
