Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
