Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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