yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
