i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
