Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize