it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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