he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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