He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
