What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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